Why Asian Dudes Need to Stop Hating on WMAF

When it comes to WMAF relationships, there’s a lot of commentary, both good and bad.

This is one article in our Asian American masculinity issue. Grab it to get more information on how to improve your masculinity as an Asian male. Wanna submit a piece to Amped Asia? Email [email protected]

It’s 2019, and in an era of increasing political correctness, we’ve seen it all when it comes to interracial relationships. People of color are getting shamed for dating outside of their race.

Furthermore, Asian men are actively shaming other Asian men for dating non-Asian.

It seems like no matter which way you look at it, someone’s got something to say about your relationship and what they think you should be doing.

And of course a disclaimer, this isn’t targeted at every single Asian male. Most Asian men I know are not only empathetic, but very tolerant and accepting of interracial relationships. This article is targeted to a vocal few who have been trolling the interwebs.

But why?

When it comes to WMAF relationships, there’s a lot of commentary, both good and bad. When I first entered the scene a decade ago, a lot of that commentary was centered around the nasty messages Asian women would get about why Asian guys were so inferior (Don’t they have small dicks? Why would you pick him?) or around a niche community of Asian women who refused to acknowledge Asian men. It was a mess on both sides, and it was toxic.

Thankfully I don’t see as much of that these days, but with the increasing amounts of acceptance and thus WMAF relationships, what I am seeing more of is Asian men criticizing WMAF relationships and attempting to shame the Asian women involved in them.

It’s been a mystifying roller coaster to see an evolution from one side of the spectrum to another, and I’ve noticed that the criticism seems to be centered around one of two things:

Number one is bitterness. Asian men who have been unsuccessful in the dating game and who see girls of their race choosing other men, especially other White men.

Number two is betrayal. Men who view dating out as a rejection of Asian-ness.

Neither of these things are helpful to anyone.

Attacking someone else’s relationship because it represents something you don’t have is nothing more than an old-fashioned case of sour grapes. Maybe you’re jealous because you’ve got trouble with women. Maybe you’re jealous because you just like Asian women and it upsets you to see them with someone else. Whatever the case may be, attacking another Asian woman because she’s dating a White man isn’t going to help improve your relationship game. You need to examine why you’re having trouble with relationships, and it isn’t because some other guy is having success on “your” turf.

So you realize you’re one of the Asian guys that have these feelings. Now what?

Now assuming you aren’t just a racist piece of shit, there’s probably reasons why you’re feeling this way.

Let’s tackle the betrayal aspect first.

First of all, there are PLENTY of Asian women to go around. As a man you inherently have an advantage because as you age your dating pool actually becomes larger instead of smaller — assuming you are doing things that are raising your value as a man (like having a good career and becoming smarter & more assured of yourself over time).

And considering that males and females are a  pretty even 50/50 split in this world, it just means there’s a White girl or a girl of another ethnicity open for you to date.

Unless you’re living in China (where men outnumber women by 40 million+), there are plenty of single women out there, and opening up your horizons to include women of other ethnicities is key to finding the right girl for you.

(Editor’s note – I do hear a lot of Asian men in San Francisco face issues because the city has more men than women. If you’re facing this in your city, you should absolutely move. It’s always better to live a happy life than to make money and suffer.)

Look, I get it. It’s easy to lash out at other people when you feel like they’ve sold out or rejected you, but that’s not what WMAF relationships are. People start dating each other because they like each other, they’re attracted to each other, and they have things in common. About 50 years ago that wasn’t socially acceptable. But it’s 2019 and we’re no longer socially encumbered by those restrictions. If an Asian woman is dating a White man, it’s because he likes her and she likes him.

And of course, hapas are extremely attractive, and the more WMAF relationships are out there, the more sexy hapas you can date. I’m the product of a WMAF relationship, and I actually love dating Asian men.

But beyond the betrayal mindset, we have to attack the underlying issue behind why you’re also bitter. For most guys it’s because you can’t get a date. Guys in happy relationships don’t think or complain about WMAF.

To begin down this road, you have to be slightly self-reflective.

You need to admit that Asian girls dating White men isn’t what’s causing your dating problems.

The real problem is you lack mate value.

Ask yourself a few of these quick questions.

1 – Have you had a 3rd party assess how well you dress?

And when I mean “assess,” I mean get an opinion from a professional.  Most guys have never gotten advice from someone who actually knows how to dress, they simply rely on their own opinions. That’s like Donald Trump making decisions for the United States without asking his advisors.

Three quick elements to putting together an outfit – wear clean shoes, a regular (non-graphic) tee, and well-fitted darker color jeans. DO NOT wear baggy jeans.

2 – Do you have a hairstyle that’s trendy?

No, the Asian bowlcut doesn’t count. Go to a barber, not SuperCuts, and ASK them what kind of haircut they would recommend for your facial shape and hair texture.

Pompadours, undercuts, and a simple Google search for “top trendy haircuts for men 2019” are your best friend.

3 – Do you have a lot of friends?

Most guys who can’t get a date also don’t have a lot of friends.

Here’s a tip. Don’t avoid the friendzone with girls. Use women as a sounding board to help increase your mate value, as women can give you advice on your look and why you’re not getting any girls. Don’t have an ego, ask them straight up what tips they would have for you to get a girlfriend.

4 – Are you even getting out of the house and socializing?

So many of the guys complaining are the same guys who are keyboard jockeys simply staying at home and posting things on Reddit. Stop sitting in front of the keyboard and start hitting up social events in your area.

5 – Are you working out and taking care of your body?

Not only does working out help you release endorphins, it’s been proven that it helps people become more confident. Start slowly by working out and figuring out a diet plan that will work for your lifestyle.

By doing the assessment of the previous 5 things, and ACTING on them, you can increase your mate value to the point where you will definitely be able to get a girl.

Listen, I know that things are still changing, and I know that as things continue to change our attitudes, beliefs, and actions will change with them. I know that being critical of WMAF relationships is both a rejection of something new and unknown and an attempt to cling to the past, but that’s just it: times are changing. This is no longer the era of impoverished women from Southeast Asia marrying foreign nationals twice their age in an attempt to get a green card, and to act like it is is insulting. Whatever your reasons for being critical of WMAF relationships are, be it bitterness or a sense of betrayal, bickering and infighting isn’t going to change it, it isn’t going to stop it, and it isn’t going to help Asian men rise above.

If we want to succeed in continuing to make the world a better place for Asian men to live in, fighting over relationships is not the way to do it. In the spirit of welcoming in 2019, leave those ugly scars behind you.

EDITOR’s NOTE, I also really liked Joe from JK films commentary on this issue, so I added it here.

Written by Cindy Young

  • Michael

    I used to be a fan of Amped Asia but this article may have just turned me completely off.

    To preface this, I am not bitter – I am happily engaged to an asian girl after years of searching. But I think the real issue isn’t addressed here.

    I understand amped is for both Asian men and women. Then I see that an Asian woman wrote this so she probably has felt some Asian men frown upon her dating a white guy at some point in the past.

    Statistically, it’s shown that Asian women date out of their race more than any other race/gender combo. In terms of physical attractiveness, a similar study based on online dating showed that white men and women were seen as the most attractive, followed by black men and asian women, and bringing up the rear were asian men and black women.

    So instead of addressing the possible real root of the issue, you are blaming Asian men for not having nice hair, dressing well, being social, and working out. I know that isn’t directly your intent but that’s how this article comes across. Are asian men the worst dressed, least social, least fit and have the least stylish hair of the three male groups mentioned? If in general, this is not the case, then your article doesn’t have any validity. If you think what I said is true, then just say it directly.

    I am born in America and am attracted to American women with an asian background because I feel we have the most in common. However, many such women aren’t attracted to asian men. I have met a number of asian women who were born here and stated that they will never date an asian man. Many of my female relatives only date white men and refuse to date asians. Many reasons are given – “they remind me of my family”, “my last bf was asian and terrible”, “they’re too feminine”, etc. It seems that asian women like to “dating up” in class/status by dating white men. I’ve seen many that would rather be with a white guy who is unemployed, disrespectful (gangsta wannabe), and ugly than be with a professional, nice, average looking asian guy. This is what I think most asian men have issue with when seeing AMWF couples. Basically an asian guy has to be a 9/10 or 10/10 to compete with a 5/10 or 6/10 white guy.

    Look at the most attractive/famous/successful asian american women – Michelle Yeoh, Constance Wu, Gemma Chan, Lucy Liu, that woman who won an oscar for some short movie, etc. All dating/married to a white guy. Now look at the famous asian men in America – Jackie Chan, John Cho, Ken Jeong. All married to asian women. Sure there are a handful of exceptions but those are exactly that – exceptions.

    I don’t doubt that there are a handful of AMWF couples who actually fall in love. But I think many fall in love with the idea of the person they are dating and not the actual person. Many think that if you marry up, your kids will often be attractive (by american standards) and have a better chance at success in life. So they tell themselves that x, y, z is more attractive. They start to believe it and it perpetuates itself. People of all races fall in love with the idea of being with the ideal mate as opposed to the person themselves.

    So in the end, I never directly blame a specific asian woman for dating a white guy. But it’s the overall environment that pushes asian women (especially those born here) to be more attracted to white guys than asians that bothers me. Is there an easy solution? I don’t think so. But to basically blame asian men for being bitter and not being social, stylish, or fit is DEFINITELY not the answer either.

  • Johnathan Gary

    This is ridiculous. Have you seen the tinder and okcupid statistics that show people are rejecting Asians based on their race? How can you ignore these issues and essentially say “just lift bro”. You are covering up a real problem of racism in the dating world. Dumb article

    • AmpedAsiaKevin

      ? You’re never gonna stop racism on a macro level, the whole point is to stop hating on other’s relationships and start focusing on improving yourself.

  • Chao Liang

    Typical.

    Thank you for Dating 101. Your assumptions about most Asian men can’t possibly have something to do with your confirmation bias can it? Every time you see an not so attractive Asian man you tick your box and confirm your own ideas about the world. Then when good-looking Asian men come into public view, like Simu Liu, John Cho, and DDK; Asian women immediately dismiss them because they all look like their cousins and fumble around in their purses for the NO ASIANS dating policy card.

    It’s ok ladies. You can date whoever you want. There are more and more woke-Asian babes around who see right though your white-worship. Just stop posting shit like this online to excuse or explain away your cognitive dissonance.

    Your article is saying that every single white man in a WMAF are at LEAST well-dressed, suave, trendy, fashionable, has a hot bod and a ton of friends. We all know that’s not REMOTELY true. So we all know that Asian women don’t go through the same checklist when trying to get with white men so don’t even start.

    Most AF play the role of the AF doctor in the movie Game Night, a successful doctor with her own corner office stooping down to date a habitual-lying, broke-ass, hairy white man who swindles his OWN family for drug money. The message is clear Asian ladies, when no other female can stand him, at least he can count on a white-worshipping Asian female to fuck.

    Have a nice day.

    • Splooge

      Have to agree. The yellow fever white guy usual is that awkward loner.
      If he looked like a man of options then i dont think wed see that same level of insecurity

    • AmpedAsiaKevin

      Dude you somehow made it all about hating Asian women. This kind of negativity just feeds the cycle. This author said she likes Asian men, she just wishes to see the negativity from Asian guys stop against WMAF, because bitter comments like yours just feed the negativity pool.

  • Splooge

    Sound advice. But that foreign bride from south east asia to creepy white guy in tge west is still happening. Youtube has recent documentries of it (not just child sex abuse). But mail order bbride is still a thing. Among pua circles tge “wgite god” factor is commonly thrown for low mate value white guys to pull there.
    Aljazeera also reported that in angels city in phillipines their orphanages are filled with eurasian kids.
    This all sounds like a colonial era but it isnt.
    Im not asian but it seems asian women just dislike being asian and are willing to date any awkward looking white guy. Like a 7 af with a 4 wm instead of a 7 of any group for that matter(asian racism of dark ppl aside).
    You typically dont see that of other women of color that bad unless she lived in an all white area and is overweight etc an feels marrying white is validation.
    From an outsiders view its rather puzzling to notice

  • Lunch Box

    Those are 5 of the most superficial reasons I’ve ever heard about the topic. The author doesn’t address the constructive criticism concerning internal racism by Asian women and how some will throw Asians, especially Asian men, under the bus (i.e. they look like my brothers/cousins/male relative).

  • Cristi

    But is it mandatory for an Asian woman to date an Asian man ? Take the USA for example, if the woman is born there she is basically more American than whatever Asian country her parents are from. More so if she’s second/third etc generation born there. Take San Francisco for example, you have Chinese there from the 1800’s so there are high chances there are women even at 5th generation born. Then you have the mentality in some Asian cultures that treat women like they are inferior to men. So what would one choose, being treated like shit by her own kind or being loved by another race. People tend to forget that dating and marriage should be firstly about the love between the two people and not race, religion or whatever other reason. And the rich white man stereotype is dumb, not all Asian women want that.