Like G.I. JOE taught us, knowing is half the battle. Learn these tips to help you win over your girl in any argument. Read on to find out more.
The following is gonna be lengthy and in depth. If you want to have a long term, fruitful relationship, you’d better hang out, sit down and take out your reading glasses.
There will be times when you and your girl get into a disagreement (fight). No matter how happy you two are, one day sooner or later feelings will get hurt, emotions will run high, and someone will lose their shit.
It will most likely be over the smallest thing, but it’ll blow up into a full on battle and hurtful words will be exchanged. The hard part is when things calm down and you are left with the choice to reconcile or to ignore.
I’m not talking about arguments that end relationships (i.e. someone cheated on you, money was stolen, or some K-Drama epic scenario). I mean the quarrels that happen from time to time. If these fights are left unchecked, they will lead to a break up.
A study by bodyandsoul.com.au states that, of the couples surveyed, the average number of fights in a year was 135. This implies every couple has a argument about cleaning, chores, or putting off responsibilities. It happens more than a hundred times a year! Does this sound familiar?
A year ago, my wife and I got into a fight about how the dishes should be washed and in what order. I just do the dishes one by one and randomly pick up which ever plate was next. The wife thought my way was stupid and wanted me to wash the plates first, then cups, and finally utensils. Her logic: this would help with the stacking order for letting the dishes dry.
We both thought our respective method was better than the other’s and we bet our pride on it. My wife kept insisting her way was better. I felt like I was being attacked and consequently got defensive. I started throwing out snide remarks about how she was being “crazy” about washing order.
She got frustrated and shouted that I was being immature. We got into an argument over such a simple chore. WTF. But these debates happen in each relationship. Even the best relationships have tension once in a while.
If you want to win these arguments, then you’re going to have to re-define the term “winning.” Just like real military battles, even if a side wins, both factions suffer great losses fighting for their cause.
Don’t let this be the case for you and your girl. Don’t fight so hard for your cause that you damage your relationship just to prove a point. No one wins.
Ignoring each disagreement isn’t the answer either. Even wanting to avoid conflict by letting her win every time sounds like a great idea, but it is poisonous. You’re bottling up your feelings and not letting your partner know where she crossed the line.
The Huffington Post Canada reports that bottling up your feelings can possibly lead to heart attack and even death! For the sake of your life and your relationship, you’re going to have to talk it out.
So what can you do to kinda win? The solution to conquer any argument: apologize strategically. It’s not manipulation, it’s being mindful of the situation and compromising to protect your relationship.
My dad use to always say, “it takes two to tango.” Translation: every fight/argument/disagreement/quarrel/heated debate is comprised of two parties. Both exchange hurtful words and feelings and everyone’s pride gets hurt.
AKA, both of you are at fault, both of you caused each other to blow up, both of you crossed lines that ultimately resulted in hurt feelings.
You cannot control what she says, you can’t force her to admit fault, nor can you pretend it never happened. The only thing you can do is make your own choice and hope she understands your position.
Apologize strategically: honestly admit your faults and poor judgments first, then address your hurt feelings. In turn your partner will feel obligated to apologize and express her feelings. You two can come to a resolution and have hot make-up sex.
Assuming your girl isn’t a master manipulator or some evil man-eater, apologizing strategically has worked in every situation. Every person who asked for my advice with an argument with their significant other have used this technique and reported success.
Because they truthfully apologize for their faults, they “kinda” win the argument by saving their relationship and receiving an apology.
Apologizing just for the sake of saying sorry is the WRONG thing to do. That’s just a little kid cop-out to try and avoid being scolded anymore. Saying sorry without understanding why you’re admitting fault is called manipulation and borderline con-artist.
The ones that irks me the most are the ones that apologize when they aren’t really sorry and say it just to get the other party to admit fault. An ego boost. If you’re trying to stroke your ego by maliciously playing with a girl’s emotions, then I hope they break your balls for being a douche.
Back on topic. So what should you apologize for? Ask yourself the following questions and honestly answer them. That will give you the realization of where you went wrong and what you need to tell your girl.
- Were you being petty?
- Why were you being defensive?
- Can you compromise somewhere?
- Do you understand where she is coming from?
- Have you had similar arguments before?
Going back to the example of my wife and dish washing. I asked myself the above questions and honestly answered them. I realized that I was being a little kid and didn’t like being nagged so that’s why I blew up at her.
After I gathered my emotions, I began to strategically apologize: I told her about how doing the dishes this way never bothered me and I assumed it wouldn’t bother her. I realized I was being petty because I don’t like to be nagged like a little kid, and finally I agreed to wash the dishes using her method.
Because I was honest with my side of the story, she too apologized at how she reacted. My wife told me about when she lived with her folks she would always have to wash the dishes because all of her siblings would rarely help out. To maximize dry time and space, she developed a method. In the end, we compromised where I would cook more often and she would do the dishes. I got her to open up and admit some fault.
I call that a win.
The law of reciprocity is a social phenomenon where the response to a positive action is another positive action. When you apologize for your misgivings, your girl will in turn react positively and apologize for her negative reactions.
By understanding the situation and knowing how you negatively contributed to the fight, you can start winning arguments by taking the first step, “I’m sorry for…”, plus girls LOVE when their man is mature about himself, respectful of the relationship, and can truthfully apologize. Meaning once again: hot, make-up sex.
To prevent hurt feelings, bruised egos, recurring fights, and even death, I encourage you to apologize strategically. You win every time because your bond with your girl gets stronger, she admits her errors, and likes you more for being a mature guy. Next time you and the misses get into a fight, re-read this article and you’ll become the winner (kinda).
Written by Van Azn