Always sticking your foot in your mouth among the ladies? Learn these helpful tips to keep up to date with all the right answers!
Your girlfriend will ask you one day, “Does this dress make me look fat?” You better keep reading if you want to be the one taking the dress off at the end of the night.
I was listening to the radio on my way to work and the hosts were asking this question of how a boyfriend/husband should best answer. The “girlfriend” representative exclaimed “You should never say yes, OMG she’s looking for confidence and you better tell her she looks beautiful.”
Now, I’m a feminist at heart and I believe women (all people in fact) deserve respect; which means not lying straight to her face if that dress indeed makes her look like an overstuffed sausage. Yes, that dress does make her LOOK fat if it does not fit well or a size too small. It’s the same for guys when we wear shirts that articulate our man-boobs and love handles.
What she’s really asking is more along the lines of “I’m not sure about how this dress feels on me, I want an opinion so I’ll ask my boyfriend his thoughts, but I’m still not sure if I should go with this dress.”
Any boyfriend with a brain knows that you should never answer that question with a flat out, “yes.” But what is the right response if you want to give an honest answer and respect the woman you’re dating?
The first step (and in my opinion the most important) is to drop whatever you are doing and focus in on your girlfriend. Nothing will piss her off more than if you’re concentrating on your “clans clashing” while responding to her.
Reason: if she’s asking you if she looks fat in a dress, then she is probably not confident in how she looks and needs reassurance towards her self-esteem. Ignoring her while she’s opening herself up is a sure fire way to make her feel degraded and unimportant. So pay attention to her.
From my experience, even if I respond with “you look great in whatever you wear and I think your beautiful blah blah blah,” she’ll roll her eyes, give you thanks, but won’t be satisfied. If you’ve done the proper boyfriend thing, then you’ve told her she looks awesome all the time, but this is an instance she wants something more than the normal compliment.
So the next step is to ask her engaging questions to build her confidence from within. Us guys can provide all the compliments, reassurance, and love in the world, but if you want her to be at her peak, she’s going to have to find confidence in herself. Your job is to help her.
Ask her, “Regardless how the dress looks, are you comfortable in it?” This puts the issue back to her. Every fashion expert says when you’re comfortable in what you wear, then your confidence is reflected. If she feels awesome in the dress, then it won’t matter how she looks, she’ll be the most confident girl that walks into any room. Tell her confidence makes her look great, and if she’s not feeling the dress then don’t wear it.
If you guys are in the fitting room of a store and she asks, “does this dress makes me look fat?” You can respond with, “Are you buying that dress just because it’s cute oorrrrr are you buying this dress because how it makes you feel while wearing it?” Buying something that doesn’t fit her will keep reminding your girlfriend that her body won’t fit in that cute dress every time she visits her closet. This is worse than fat-shaming because it’s self-inflicted guilt, continuous remorse, and a waste of money. Avoid this at the start by convincing her to buy a dress that looks cute but also makes her feel confident in her body.
Or…God forbid you tell the freaking truth? “I love you and I want you to look and feel your best. I don’t think that dress compliments you well. Let’s find something that’ll make you look stunning.” Notice the response does not have key words like “body, fat, or but.” Society has loaded those words with so much taboo, mixed message crap that using them will sabotage your message. The reply also includes you offering help and that’s going to make her feel giddy with love and confidence because you’re supporting her.
Now…there are some cases where your girlfriend will demand you answer the trap question with a yes or no. That may be a sign of insecurities and you’ll be left with a hard choice. Answer yes and you’ll be labeled as a fat-shaming douche. Answer no and you’ll be uncomfortably lying….or she won’t believe you and you’re SOL anyways. Either case you’ll need to confront those insecurities before they become detrimental.
The tasks of a boyfriend are endless but should always revolve around supporting your girlfriend and relationship. When she’s questioning her looks, she’s questioning her confidence. It’s your responsibility to offer her emotional support and attention by being there and providing the right feedback to build her confidence.
Interested in more techniques to communicate with women? Check out my project at AZN Confidence
More from Blog
Sometimes when we're in a death-defying situation it makes us feel alive. Humans are weird. For 26-year-old adrenaline junkie, Wu Yongning, …
Recently an article entitled “Sorry Asians, my Blackness is Not your Counterculture,” began making the rounds on the interwebz and …