You’re in the club and you see two cuties in the corner. You want to go talk to them but a gripping fear grabs you by the balls and tells you not to do it. This is the moment where boys become men. This is the moment where you can either overcome your intense fear and approach or recoil in fear at the thought of rejection.
I know everyone’s been through this and experienced the intense fear of approach anxiety. Every guy who wants to meet a girl at a bar or club is going to feel this anxiety.
So how do you overcome it? I read a lot of articles that discuss the philosophy behind overcoming your fear, but those articles are retarded. Unless you take action, no amount of mental masturbation is going to help you overcome this fear. I think that it’s obvious that approaching women shouldn’t be scary at all. In fact it should be very natural. Women WANT to be approached at clubs. It’s just they want to be approached by confident, attractive men.
My article is meant to give actionable techniques to help you get over the fear of approaching.
- Talk to the 1st DUDE You See — The first guy you see, go up to him and tell him you think his shirt is bomb or something of that nature. If you really want to up the ante, make sure you hit on him some more. Not only does this get you talking to people, but it also is (in my mind) harder and more awkward to hit on guys at bars. It’ll make hitting on girls a breeze. The idea is to trick your mind into talking without fear of romantic rejection.
- Go – You and your wingman take turns telling each other to approach women selected by the other person. Your wingman chooses girls for you to approach and you choose girls for him to approach. No one wants to look like a pussy in front of their friends. You guys take turns approaching. To make it more interesting, target groups that both of you can be a part of (for example, if there’s 2 guys, target groups of 2 girls). This works well at bars and clubs where there are ample women.
- Go with $20 — A variation of Go with an upping of the stakes. You must have a wingman for this game. Your wingman will tell you to approach any group of women and if you don’t, then you have to pay $20 to your wingman. This makes it a monetary incentive for you to approach, and it also makes it an incentive for you and your wingman to challenge each other as much as possible.
- Variations: If you don’t have that much money, try starting with $5. If you find yourself pussying out too much, make it so that your wingman can only direct you to approach girls that don’t have boyfriends around.
- Rejection Rackup — You and a group of wingmen must rack up rejections from girls. This helps to prevent you from being outcome dependent. Remember, we just want to get over approach anxiety, so to do this you must not get frozen while you’re approaching. Your whole GOAL for the night is to get rejected. Whoever gets the most rejections at the end of the night gets free dinner or drink.
- Be a Troll — This is a game that my friends and I play a lot. If you’re familiar with Reddit then you probably have heard about “trolling” — it’s basically the act of pretending to be serious when you’re playing a joke. So for example, you can go out and approach and pretend that you’re a Playgirl model (and tell the girls that when they ask). Adopt the persona of this person. This puts you in a fun, playful mindset that will help you for the night. Don’t rely on this because you eventually want to develop a real persona, but at the same time, this is a silly little game that makes the mood much more fun. It’s a good way to revive an otherwise dead night where you’re being a pussy with your approaches.
- Drink — Drinking is a shortcut to removing your fear, but it should be your last resort. But there are those nights that are just going VERY shitty and on those nights the best answer I have is to get as wasted as you can and start approaching. Even though its a big crutch, approaching while drunk is still better than not approaching at all or having a really shitty time.
Remember, approaching girls is about having fun, so keep on approaching and over time you’ll wear down your approach anxiety barrier.
If you’re interested in learning more techniques from me, get my free book, “Advanced Asian”, which is a dating book specifically created for Asian American men.