China’s got dirty money, and we don’t just mean from shady business practices. Their money can make you SICK! Read on to keep yourself from getting Chinese money cooties.
Money is one of the dirtiest things we as humans most handle almost on pretty much a daily basis. Don’t take our word for it, check out this article in Time Magazine about the horrors that money can bring. And we don’t mean the existential morality horrors. We mean the germ ridden kind.
American dollars alone are notorious for being contaminated by traces of cocaine, fecal matter, bacterial microbes and more germs than a toilet seat. And this isn’t just some dollars, we are talking a majority of paper cash, like 94% of dollar bills as reported by the Southern Medical Journal study in 2002.
This will now replace our wallets.
But this is just American dollars. What about the rest of the world? Well it turns out China for one is no different. In fact it has the unflattering title of Asia’s dirtiest money.
Take for instance a recent story coming out of Mainland China where two bank clerks felt the full effects of China’s dirty money. No they didn’t have their knee caps broken in a Triad crime vendetta, it was from coming in contact with Chinese Yuan.
Bacteria living on your paper.
Apparently, as we do not exactly believe this to be 100% accurate, a female bank teller in China recently went to her doctor complaining itchiness in her genital area. After her check up, the doctor concluded she had GENITAL WARTS! The married woman understandably worried her husband had been unfaithful immediately had him tested. Unfortunately the results showed her husband to be negative of any genital warts and led her doctor to conclude that she contracted the disease from her job handling thousands of tainted bills on a daily basis.
If we find out later she has been moonlighting as a stripper we are throwing this whole report out the window.
We are no medical experts, but we do find this diagnosis hard to believe. However viruses, germs, and other bacteria have been known to live on money for 48 hours to even 17 days after being exposed to the paper pathogens. Furthermore a City University of Hong Kong’s Bacteria Research Center has found Chinese money to be the DIRTIEST of all of Asia.
Your money might have touched Tila Tequila. You should get yourself tested.
Furthermore another case a similar case was reported in China nearly identical to this one. A female clerk in another bank also contracted an STI in almost the same fashion.
Whether or not this is a cause of correlation implying causation or flat out incorrect medical science we are not sure of yet. And chances are you will not be catching any STI’s by handling money as long as you wash your hands and keep hygienic. But let’s be safe than sorry.
Think about where and how money gets around? Through millions of unwashed hands, dirty pockets, and enough strippers dirty G-strings that it would take us centuries to count.
If you assumed we just meant female strippers… than you assumed wrong.
So stay safe out there Amped Asia readers and wash those damn hands!
Written by Editorial Staff