“You can't date Black or Mexican. ONLY ASIAN GIRLS.”
Can any of you Asian guys relate to this?
My parents are very traditional. Growing up they always emphasized to me that I shouldn't date anyone except Asian girls, and even more specifically, that I should only date Chinese girls. Of course this made me just want to date other races even more.
But as I grew older, I realized that it was pretty difficult to date outside of my culture. White girls didn't seem to like me. I had little in common with Black or Mexican girls.
So I relegated myself to dating mostly Asian women.
Would this have been different had I been raised in a more accepting culture? Would I be dating Caucasians and Mexicans and Blacks if I could have some kind of mindset shift?
One day I stumbled across a blog. It's called The Love Life of an Asian Guy and it's written by a guy named Ranier.
Ranier has been blogging about relationships since the age of 15, and his blog has recently caught our attention at Amped Asia. He's an Asian guy but he mostly dates non-Asian women. For many Asian guys in the world, interracial dating is a mystery. For a lot of non-Asian women, it can be a mystery as well.
We reached out to Ranier and asked if he'd be willing to do an interview for us and talk about interracial dating.
What compelled you to create your blog?
The Love Life of an Asian Guy was originally a blog about my random thoughts on dating and relationships throughout college. But the more I dated the more I became aware of my own ethnicity and how it affected who I could date, and what those women expected of me. This blog is an open journal of my own accounts of successful and failed attempts at finding love, and the bits of advice I've acquired from those experiences. I wanted to make this blog to show other Asian guys that, “yes, I'm having trouble too but there is hope” while simultaneously proving to non-Asian women that Asian guys do date outside their race.
A lot of Asian guys have trouble dating women outside of their race. Do you have any tips for those guys?
Be ignorant. Be ignorant to the fact that America is stained with an antiquated bias against us; Be ignorant to the women that automatically assume that we're less of a man; Be ignorant to your own Asian parents that constantly insist that you date another Asian; Be ignorant to your own insecurities about being an Asian man in America and all the baggage that comes with it.
If you can learn to say “fuck off” to all these things and pursue what you feel and want — whether it's that cute Black chick working in your office or your German neighbor's daughter — you'll realize that the only thing holding you back is that you care about pointless expectations. And when you're in the moment and you find yourself second guessing just say to yourself, “Fuck it, I'm going for it and I'm gonna be her first Asian man.”
Do you find there to be a lot of non-Asian women who want to date Asian guys? If so, why does it seem like those kind of women are rare?
When I first started this blog I didn't think there were any at all. I thought a non-Asian woman attracted to Asian men was a complete rarity. But as I continue to interact with my readers I realize more and more that all over the WORLD are women who not only like Asian men, but some of them confessed that only Asian men turn them on.
The reason why it seems more rare is because attraction is invisible. You can't look at someone and assert from their hair and clothes that they like Asian dudes (although sometimes you can.) I think the problem is non-Asian Women are being teased and talked down upon if they are outed about liking Yellow brothers. Some women need to hide this desire because their peers would give them shit for it (e.g.”Aren't Asians small?” “Ewww, they're so feminine!”) In some cases, I've even met non-Asian women who were married to White, Black, or Latino guys and have confessed, “If I weren't with my husband, I would totally date an Asian man instead” (ouch!)
If we encouraged more women to be vocal about what they wanted you'd be surprised how many would opt for the Yellow option.
What are the problems facing non-Asian women when it comes to dating Asian guys?
There are a number of factors that deter non-Asian women from dating Asian men: strict Asian parents, strict non-Asian parents that see Asians as unworthy, and judgement from their own ethnic community. The main problem however is the fact that non-Asian girls just don't know what to expect from Asian guys nor do they think they have the confidence to step into the Asian bubble. Some of these girls think that we're complete aliens that walk, talk, and eat differently and that dating an Asian man requires a totally new set of dating rules: which it obviously doesn't.
You don't have to be an Anime nerd/Weeaboo to get into our pants.
You’re currently dating a black woman. How did your parents react to this?
My family is pretty diverse when it comes to dating. We've all dated multiple races and religions so I think I'm lucky to have such an open minded family. Unfortunately, even the the best of Asian parents have that automatic bias against Black people — my mom included. I know she saw my girlfriend as someone ready to take advantage of me and “steal” me away but you know what? I learned to dismiss what she thinks because quite frankly I don't give a damn.
Do you have any tips for giving the news to your parents considering a lot of Asian parents disapprove of such a pairing.
Use your best judgement and play it by ear. In some cases you can get away with spilling the beans and waiting for the mess to dry up over time, while other instances require you to shut the hell up and tell your parents you've been single since you were 12. I know that sounds very childish but I mean, come one, every Asian who watches Korean Dramas has at some point thought to themselves, “damn… that villainous Korean mother reminds me of MY OWN mom!” We all want that pleasant, Hallmark relationship with our parents and girlfriend but sometimes it just isn't in the cards. Unless you plan on living with mom and dad forever with date night consisting of watching Seinfeld re-runs on the couch together, I suggest you grow a pair and learn that you don't always have to please them. They'll get over it eventually.
How can we educate the generation before us (our parents) that interracial dating is a great thing?
You can't. Our parents and the parents of our non-Asian girlfriends were born in a time where Black adults called White kids “sir” and Asian-Americans were beaten up for “taking our jobs.” Their racial intolerance has been planted so far into their skull that we even excuse it because we know that it's just a part of who they are.
Pessimism aside, I think the best thing we can do is to show them that we're serious about the relationship. Be a good boyfriend and husband, treat your woman right, and give the relationship your all and hopefully your parents will see your determination. If they care about you enough they will see your efforts and realize you're not just chasing a dream, you're building a relationship with an actual person. If all else fails, wait till you have kids and then they should be convinced… haha
What do you think are your best posts on your blog?
I think it depends on the reader and what they're looking to learn. Personally, these are my favorites (in no particular order):
1. AMBW RANT: CAN BLACK WOMEN ONLY DATE “GHETTO” ASIAN MEN?
2. The “Which Asian Guy Is Right For Me?” Guide for Non-Asian Girls
3. Stupid Stereotypes – Do Asian Guys Have Small Penises?
Written by Editorial Staff