You may not know me but please read and advise.

[vantru18]

Please......Put yourself out of your misery and leave the bitch.

I am really sorry about your previous GF death and I seriously think that you start going out with your wife on a rebound. I do understand it is not easy to get over what happened to you but if you want to go back and be happy you should put this woman as far as you can from your life..your feelings..your mental health.

I am sure you will find another woman that will make you happy.

Take good care of yourself

Sandro

[gatzofdawn]

Doesn't seem there's been any recent posts so I don't know if your problem is resolved or not. I admire you for your willingness to resolve things and stay together. I've always been a believer in the "until death do us part" thing and in my case it has been a struggle.

My wife has been verbally abusive to me, threatened me physically and generally on occasions treated me like crap. I had some issues I was dealing with that I wasn't the best husband I could be either, but we've stuck it out. I've got copies of divorce papers, separation papers and other stuff filed away over the last 29 years.

It does sound like your wife has insecurity, anger, control and trust issues. If she has sought professional help and it didn't help, I may be able to offer an outlet for a program that really has helped me. It's a faith based program called Celebrate Recovery that was founded by a guy named John Baker, an associate minister at Saddleback church in California. The senior pastor there is Rick Warren of "The Purpose Driven Life" book. It's a recovery program for anyone suffering from hurts, habits and hangups. They have groups for most anything from overeating, anger, co-dependency, addictions, etc.

I would highly recommend that you all attend one of these. I'm sure there's probably one in your area. Go to celebraterecovery.com to loacte one in your area and to read more about the program.

I too am ex-military but my life is much better today than 3 years ago when I started attending this program. It really let me get in touch with myself and discover a lot of underlying causes for my sometimes irrational behavior. Good luck and God Bless

[1stLadyENT]

3. SOMETHING ELSE!!

I think its best to give up that marriage. For one, your ex already passed away, and you didn't even know your wife when you were engaged to your first fiancee. I think it was wrong on her part to even mention your deceased ex. The wife has plenty of issues that see seems to not want to resolve and since the relationship before you met your wife was already in the past, she shouldn't even have to worry. How can she be insecure about someone who has already passed on?

Its best if you move on because she will only cause you more grief and pain. The way you have described her, she sounds like the wife from hell. You will be better off starting over a new leaf and refresh your life. And if you are willing to find someone else, I will wish you good luck and hopefully that future relationship with whomever you end up with will become a more relaxing and heavenly relationship.

And on another thought, if the engagement with her past fiance was not a success, that just tells you the woman was not made for marriage.

[andyly05]

no point in letting her stay cause sometimes girls are a bit too stupid,like in thinking about you and your ex. the past is the past, if your wife loves you she wouldn't say anything the girl who wants you and your wife to break up would say things just to piss her off, and heaps of people has had couple of dates before they think straight for marriage. its her fault in thinking that why feeling bad about that ? she would realize her silliness is the fault in breaking up the marriage why would it be you ?

[gorg2510]

jie101 Wrote:

Rondillo Wrote:Ah not even 24 hours and I feel late to give advice already!

Anyways, you've already received plenty of good advice from the others and I'll do my best to add something to the table.

This woman of yours needs help. To be honest, I would run away from a woman like that. However, do you love her? I know divorce is a bad thing to do, but living with a woman who pretends to be you online and Instant Messaging your friends is not very cool... not very normal.

Since you've invested so much in her, I know you feel like it's just too much to give up. However, think of it like a slot machine. You can never leave the machine because you've put 1, 5, 10 dollars in it... and eventually and hopefully, you'll get something out of it. But it sometimes never pays out in the end, and the longer you stay with that machine, the more money you would have to give up.

I'm not saying that your relationship is going down like a plane though. There's still that chance you'll hit the jackpot, but it's very discouraging right now and it might be best if you just walk out with whatever you have left.

Also it seems like you married her too soon. I guess the main question here is Do you really love her?

if so, then stay. Maybe you'll hit the Jackpot.

if not really, then hold on to what you got and leave.

oh and I don't know any good jobs in Sacramento sorry I'm in the Southern part of CA

Yea, everything he said and do what you feel is right.

just go on with your life and leave her who knows you maybe better off as friends in the future though... even if you still love but i think what she does is not something that a person who loves you would do