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Jokes?
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The Ten Commandments of K-Drama
1. Relationships
The Truth? A love triangle is a MUST.
However, there are more sub-categories under love triangles.
Two men - One woman = In this type of love triangles, all the guys are good-looking, professional, and wealthy. The girl is poor but EXTREMELY pretty and innocent. Under no circumstances can the drama lack the girl
nor can the guy be sub-perfect.
Two girls - One man = Once again, the man is a rich heir to a massive fortune and/or company. At the very least, he is the Vice President of his father’s company; always dresses in crisp suits, knows business-smarts, and is of course- handsome. Likewise, the girl is just as beautiful but POOR and innocent. The Other Girl who is about the same level as the Guy is pretty but evil and/or psychotic. For the guy, the Girl is always sacrificing herself. In the long line of K-Drama history, the Evil Girl has never gotten the Guy.
Nowadays, the 2 Guys-2 Girl Love Quadric-angle is very popular, not to mention complex.
Conclusion. In the drama, the guy is always handsome, rich, AT LEAST the vice-president of a mega-conglomerate but ODDLY ENOUGH(?) he doesn’t know how to be anything but KIND and LOVING toward his polar opposite: The Pretty-Innocent Girl. In one word? The Knight In Shining Armor.
On the other hand, the Girl is always poor, but spunky and inevitably GORGEOUS with a HIGH SENSE OF independence and PRIDE. Even though The Girl gets the Man (in the long history of k-dramas, this is EQUIVALENT TO THE BIG BANG THEORY), she always gets screwed by the Other-Pretty-But-Evil Girl in the middle.
2. Marriage
There CANNOT be a marriage WITHOUT the interference/fierce opposition of the family.
Whether it is class differences, family problems, the marriage cannot come without a big bang in between. NOTE: The parent’s opposition never lasts forever. In the end (usually 1~2 episodes before the End), they are suddenly all loving and grandmotherly without the prior b!tchiness displayed through Episodes 1~6. A story that’s been more stretched out than turkey meat.
The rich family is the one that protests the wedding, the parents threaten to cut off all ties with their child and/or remove them from the family register.
In the end, they say OK.
3. The Man’s Profession
In popular dramas, there are no middle-level management employees, no salesman, no KFC manager, and Definitely no pizza delivery guy. Their fathers are always the CEO of a huge company, and the Male Character himself is AT THE VERY LEAST Managing Director / Market Director. He is SUPER-talented in his field. I wonder how many % of the world’s male population fit the aforementioned qualifications. In addition, MOST of these GUYS ARE ALSO Awesome FIGHTERS.
Rich. Good-looking. Intelligent. Prestigious Family Background. Skilled. HAS COMPLETED COLLEGE AND/OR MBA ABROAD (99% IN AMERICA).
Dresses like a Model. Kind. Warm. Pure-hearted. Perfect Gentleman. CLEAN. Plays at least ONE Musical Instrument. Good at SPORTS.
LASTLY, although the origins are unknown, they ARE HELLA GOOD FIGHTERS.
4. Girl’s Profession/Job
In this situation, it’s not absolute, but MOST OF THEM work at the Guy’s company and/or closely affiliated fields. Of course, the Guy ignores his seniority over the Girl and helps her out like a guardian angel. And although most of the Girls have a high sense of independence AND do everything there is, they rarely get any recognition for their hard work. To put it more specifically, the Woman’s CLIMBING/OVERCOME OF SOCIAL OBSTACLES are not very important- at least not enough to focus on.
5. The Republic of Korea Fits In Buddha’s Palm?!
There are dozens of parks in Seoul (The 3rd most populated city in the WORLD). What is the likelihood of two people WITH DAY JOBS spotting each other like that? But against LOGIC and PROBABILITY, One of the Main Character always sees the other person WITH THE EVIL CHARACTER EVERYONE LOVES TO HATE. (In girl’s case, they usually roll their huge-ass eyes with double-lids).
6. The extent of lovers’ touching BEFORE & AFTER the conflict is resolved
While dating, it is ALWAYS a hug. After their conflict gets resolved, ALWAYS a KISS. There can be no IN-BETWEEN. In the earlier stages of their relationship, they are always hugging (no more, no less), but when the obstacle (whether its the EVIL 3rd Party and/or Evil-Crazy Parents), they start kissing EVEN THOUGH NO ONE TOLD THEM TO. Can’t they kiss BEFORE and hug AFTER?
7. Cancer & Car Accidents
The main character ALWAYS dies of cancer. And they usually don’t recover. When the character gets cancer diagnosis, they usually think “that’s it, my life is over.” Especially when its the Girl, it’s 99% likely cancer. It can’t be a freak accident- no sticking a finger into the toaster, no falling off the cliff, no struck by lightning- it’s GOTTA BE CANCER. And in the final stages, they HAVE to go on a JOURNEY.
They ignore little, unimportant details such as : CHEMOTHERAPY, MEDICATION, TRIAL THERAPIES, MODERN MEDICINAL CARE IN GENERAL.
Without trying, they usually end up dead.
Although the MAIN CHARACTERS usually die of Cancer, most of the RELATED characters die of car accidents.
It’s true that South Korea has many vehicular accidents, but almost all of the not-quite-the-main-characters die from car crashes.
8. THE RICH CHARACTER'S HOUSE IS ALWAYS 2-STORY HIGH
The Wealthy person has to live in a 2-story house. They can either live at a HUMONGOUS apartment like Tower Pellis (The Formerly Most Expensive APT in Korea, now its Hyundai I-Park ) Although the character can live by themselves, their family always has two stories. IT CANNOT BE 3 STORIES HIGH, ONLY 2. And even though its a huge-ass house, they never have a A/C machine (The Korean type that’s shaped like a refrigerator) in the middle of summer. From the viewer’s perspective, the kitchen is always to our left and the master bedroom is always to the right. The stairways is at the middle and the front door is to the right, as well.
AND THE RICHER THEY ARE, THE LESS LIKELY ARE THEY TO HAVE TELEVISIONS.
Although home theaters are the rage nowadays, it seems that the rich people don’t follow that trend. On the other hand, the Girl’s family usually resides in the GHETTO with long, winding roads with doors that have chipped paint.
9. The Must-Have: Slapping
For as long as I have lived, I have never BEEN slapped nor have I slapped as I have seen in k-dramas. In fact, I’ve never seen other people do, either. When the main character’s pissed: SLAP. Unsatisfied? Slap. Fighting? Slap. Seeking revenge? Slap. [insert random emotion]? Slap.
As I watch k-dramas, I wonder if the roots of Korean culture lies within the Art of Slapping. Whatever the problem is, a good slap can solve it. Currently, the REALISM of the slapping fascinates me. They hit hard.
10. The Chauffeur’s NAME IS ALWAYS “KIM”???
It’s true that Kim is the most common Last Name in South Korea, but MOST, if not ALL drivers in the drama are named Kim. Can’t there be a Driver Park? Driver Choi? Driver Cha? Driver Bang? Driver Lee? Driver Lim?! There are countless surnames, yet the driver must be “Driver Kim” or else. Do many Kims work in the transportation field?!
Note: I didn’t write this and the author is unknown…
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RE: Jokes?
Rabbit Breakout
Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night.
The next morning, the rabbits get to talking.
"I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one.
"I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second.
"I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."
Rooster Prozac
Why was the rooster so unhappy?
Because he only got laid once and it was by his mother.
Drunken Man and Blonde
After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, "You wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The person replies, "I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend is 190 pounds, world judo champion and is a natural blonde. And my other friend is 200 pounds, world arm wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?"
The man thinks for a while and replies, "Not if I have to explain it three times."
Leeches
What is the difference between a leech and a lawyer?
The leech stops sucking you dry after you're dead.
Camoflauge Clothing
There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.
"It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."
"That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.
"Get my brown pants."
A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall
A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The cop asked, "What's he like?"
The little boy replied, "Beer and women with big boobs."
Mistaken Identity
A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?"
Mini Meanie
The golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil leprechaun who exploited the ambitions of the poorer players. He popped up beside one unfortunate man who was participating in a club competition.
"Look," he said, "if you agree never to court a woman, flirt with a girl or marry, I'll help you win."
"Done," shouted the young golfer. The leprechaun was very pleased with conniving ways, and chuckled merrily.
When the golfer was in the clubhouse being praised by the other members, the leprechaun popped up on the shelf of the locker. "Hey," said the little elf, "I have to have your name for my records. What is it?"
"Father Murphy," grinned the golfer as he adjusted his Roman collar.
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RE: Jokes?
Three Strikes You're Out
A farmer just got married and was going home on his wagon pulled by a team of horses. When one of the hoses stumbled, he said, "That's once."
Then it stumbled again. He said, "That's twice."
Then later it stumbled a third time. This time, he didn't say anything, just pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse dead.
His wife cried out and started to yell at him. The farmer turned to her and said, "That's once."
First Cut is the Deepest
Once upon a time, two little boys, Sammy and Tim, were sharing a room in the hospital. As they were getting to know each other a little bit, Sammy eventually asked Tim, “Hey, what're you in for?”
“I'm getting my tonsils out. I'm a little worried,” said Tim.
“Oh, don't worry about it," Sammy said. "I had my tonsils out and it was a blast! I got to eat all the ice cream and Jell-O I wanted for two weeks!”
“Oh yeah?'' replied Tim. “That's not half-bad. So, Sammy, how about you? What're you here for?”
“I'm getting a circumcision, whatever that is,” Sammy answered.
“Oh my god, circumcision? I got one of those when I was a baby and I couldn't walk for two years!”
Let's Talk
A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I''ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, "What would you like to talk about?"
Oh, I don't know," said the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff... grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The guy thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don''t know sh*t?"
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RE: Jokes?
Warm and Moist
MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
MAN: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.
The next day, the man returns.
MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Well... where is he?
MAN: He's at home!
CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.
The next day the man returns.
CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack?
MAN: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm... It's warm and moist! What is it?
MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.
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RE: Jokes?
Equal positive integers
Theorem: All positive integers are equal.
Proof: Sufficient to show that for any two positive integers, A and B, A = B.
Further, it is sufficient to show that for all N > 0, if A and B (positive integers) satisfy (MAX(A, B) = N) then A = B.
Proceed by induction.
If N = 1, then A and B, being positive integers, must both be 1. So A = B.
Assume that the theorem is true for some value k. Take A and B with MAX(A, B) = k+1. Then MAX((A-1), (B-1)) = k. And hence (A-1) = (B-1). Consequently, A = B.
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