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kuya2341 · 03-07-2009, 03:53 PM

Hey guys,

basically this is my problem, i have been seeing my girlfriend for about 5 months, by the way did i mention she is my friend's ex and we have not told our circle of friends and her ex boyfriend(my friend) that we are seeing eachother and she wants to wait till its the proper time to mention to him. Also i started dating her after a month she has mutually broken up with her boyfriend. She tells me that shes over him or does not see him that way anymore and i believe her. so basically the problem i have is that i have did and shared things with her that i would'nt of thought i would have done, and when we chill with our friends we have to play the charade we are seeing eachother. And when she talks about past activities about what see has done with her ex she seems so excited about and really enjoys it, i just cant get over the hump that that is her ex and i am her present, i think i am jealous that i was not the only one she has experienced these things with. I am just wondering, is it right to be feeling this way, and please do not mention that i am dating my ex friend's girlfriend, that is a new topic onto itself.

**fake_innocent** · (This post was last modified: 03-07-2009 04:36 PM by fake_innocent.)

It seems to me that the whole friend's ex girlfriend (sorry to bring it up) is bothering you in every way!

Don't get me wrong, it is natural to feel that way, but I do believe the sooner the later you guys tell the others that you guys are dating...there wouldn't be so much awkwardness...I also believe friends DO NOT hide things from each others because things will get out of hands if you wait too long to tell them!

Speaking honestly and truthfully can lead to many things good or bad so just focus on the good part of things.
I can't say what WILL actually happen, but telling the truth is better than living on with a lie...that is my motto Smile

**Rondillo** · 03-08-2009, 10:51 AM

You can also try to make new memories with her. Show her how much you love her by doing some special things. Also there has to be a reason why your girlfriend is with you now and not with her ex... and that is your proof that you have something that is worth more than her ex.

**4jpz** · 03-08-2009, 11:50 AM

Come out... tell your friends about your relationship... It's better to have a fresh start and make new memories, like Ron said, if you're not hiding the relationship... It's also better for your friends to learn it from the both of you than learn it from some gossipmonger. It'll be awkward for sure but then again they'll accept it if they're really your friends... oh! Tell your friend who is her ex first, that way, he'll be prepared when you announce the relationship to the others...

Daina · 03-09-2009, 02:48 AM

you said your real problem is the fact that she seems so happy when she talks about the ex, and the things they did together. i have two theories on that:
1. she not over him
2. because u two have to hide your relationship, it is not as "real" as you would like. and when i say real i mean, she maybe isn't taking it seriously since it is a hidden thing.

i think if u guys make your relationship public it will be different you know. and i also think it's suspicious that you guys are together for 5 whole months and your gf doesn't want to your friends to know. i mean, i understand that it was necessary to hide it at first, but 5 months is a fairly long time you know.

oh and to answer your question, it's totally natural to feel a little jealous that you're not the only one she's experienced these things with, but at the same time, don't let that jealousy get in the way of your relationship with your friend, or the girl.

takeshi · 03-10-2009, 11:28 AM

I think you should let the relationship be known. Also if her behavior is bothering you then you should talk to her about it or dump her.

I was in a similar situation but what ended up happening was that we broke up and I am now much happier as a result of that. I think I was too jealous so if you can act confident and not jealous then you should be on the right track to maintaining your relationship.

Sometimes she might let something slip about her ex prolly because she just wants to talk about something. Maybe you could change the subject or be like, "hey, he's your ex, no need to talk about him that much around me" or something like that.

kuya2341 · (This post was last modified: 03-10-2009 02:43 PM by kuya2341.)

hey guys thanks for your input, we did have this discussion about how long we should wait to tell her ex. She mentioned she wanted to wait at least a year for it, before telling her ex and i agreed, dont know if this is a right move. I just didn't want to come off as a jerk, forcing her to tell our friends, so also feels that her ex is not stable and will really feel saddened, i guess. she says she does not want to put me in a bad position like i made them broke up (which i don't want to come across as that guy who broke them up).

Sometimes i feel shes using this to see if we are really serious and then tell our friends. So what do you guys think i should wait a year? is that how long it takes for you guys to overcome your feelings? i remember at one point she mentioned like two years, at first i never thought about it, but now im like what the hell!? what if i wanted to take things to a new level which requires years of you being in a relationship, what would my friends think if we did take it to a new level what would my friends think when we only told them we were only dating for a couple of months but in actuality its been 2 years or so. Seem fishy right, so much things can go wrong.

**4jpz** · 03-10-2009, 06:50 PM

It's best to tell them now... They will feel cheated if it'll take you months or even a year to come out. Besides, there's a tendency for what is hidden to come out at an unaccepted time. So, what is your excuse then. Excuses are still excuses, you know, and even if it's well intended it will still be excuses, a lie.

You're not only cheating to your friends but you're also cheating towards yourselves. Relationships, may it be as friends or as lovers, should be cherished and if you hid in pretense then you can't really enjoy what you have. How can you make memories if you are in the shadows of her past? or the fear of her ex's wrath or whatever he'll do? If she loves you, she won't mind what people say. She'll do what's best for your relationship to work and bloom. She should even shout it to the world to put a claim on you and vice versa...

If she's not happy for the world to know about your relationship now, what is your assurance that both of you will be happy in a year or two?

kuya2341 · (This post was last modified: 03-11-2009 04:16 PM by kuya2341.)

I dont feel right with my relationship with her right now, i dont know if its just me or the pressure of school is making me feel this way, but i dont know if i should let her go until she decides that she wants to tell our friends. I just dont want to regret anything, i dont want to think i let her go and then wonder what could have been. We talked about this plenty of times and always end up with the same answer we will stick it through b/c we love eachother. But lately im feeling cheated of a real relationship.

I just dont want to lose her, did i mention she's my first girlfriend. i just dont want to regret not putting up with a couple more months of hiding and some heartache on the side because i really care for her and i really see her im my future. So what do you guys think should i stick with her, or break up with her and let fate decide if we will get back together?

**fake_innocent** · (This post was last modified: 03-11-2009 04:21 PM by fake_innocent.)

You also have to put yourself into their shoes to understand clearly how they will feel...I'm sure you wouldn't want your friend to hold lies against you too.

Like 4jpz said, I also don't agree on the waiting part because yours friends will surely feel cheated that you held that lie not couple of months..but over a year. By then, your friends might feel that they've played foolishly by the both of you. In the end, your excuses won't be able to cover itself! Good luck! I just hope the waiting doesn't get you in trouble...