Hello everyone, I know I am new but I have tried to write and take part in things to get to know people. So please read and tell me what you think.

STORY---
Back in 2005 I met this Chinese girl who was great. due to living situations for us both being bad, we moved in together after 1 month and were roomates. Well we got closer and then shared 1 room. We had our ups and downs like normal but we talked everything out. Well in december of 2005 I proposed to her and she said yes and we were both happy. I had training for the military in Texas after that and the training ended in the end of march. So on my way home I stopped by my dads house in Arizona and he wanted to meet my fiancee so he flew her out there to meet him. Everything was great. So we drove home to northern California a couple days later and when we were close to home we got hit by a drunk driver and the accident was so bad my fiancee died there and I broke some bones but was ok. Well for awhile I wanted to die and didn't do anything with myself. Later I had friends help me out and I came around again. Well later I met my now wife and fell in love with her.
We were both in the military and due to our rank we could not date each other or else we would loose our jobs and get kicked out. So we got married. Everything was great. Except another woman liked me and since I married my wife, the other woman started telling my wife about my ex and how she died. So My wife who is very curious, made it her goal to find out as much as she could about my ex. She found out some things she didn't like that my ex did before I even met her. So long story short, pretty much once or twice a month we have a huge fight about how she thinks I still love my ex and she is discusted with me for being with her when she did certain things before I ever knew her (like experiment with another woman) I didn't like her past stuff either, but she gave that up when she was with me and I looked past it and treated her good.
So my current wife constantly talks bad about my ex and puts her down even though she never knew her or met her. Yesterday my wife told me she still can't stand the fact that I was with her and she also can't stand that I am too nice to people and she doesn't like that I won't tell people off that my wife doesn't like. She said now because of these things she wants a divorce. This is about the 15th time this same scenario has happened and i'm sick of fighting and giving in to make her stay. She now packed up all her stuff and we talked about what things we are splitting and such. My question is this...
What would you do?
1. Give in again and try to smooth things over and hope she will change.
2. Let her go and have the marriage ruined.
3. Something else.....please explain what.

Hey I do know you lol I've seen your post here and there.. Well anyway I'm not he best person to ask advice but I'll try..

I don’t think she’ll ever feel comfortable knowing that you had a past love who you never fell out of love with but instead she was torn away from you in such a tragic accident which by the way you have my sympathy for that. She’ll always feel threatened and feel as if no matter what she does or no matter how great of a wife she is she’ll probably never compare to your late fiance even if this is probably untrue this is just a thought that will always occur when even the slightest bit of a feeling of distance between the to of you draws. If convincing her to the best of your ability that your feelings for your late fiance are not as powerful as the feelings you have for her then as much as I hate to say this I don’t think you should stay in a relationship where trust is not key. Relationships especially marriages should be built with trust and past relationships should be forgotten by both spouses but if one can’t trust and the other is afraid then I say don’t keep fooling yourself, however, as long as there is still love between the two of you then there is still a chance at redemption although I don’t personally know how because this is something only the two of you can figure out. All I can say is talk. Let everything out with a night of calm collected conversations. Make a promise that there will be no arguing between the both of you and then express your feelings, your feelings for your late fiance and your current feelings for your wife. Communication is your best bet so use it to your advantage.

I’m sorry for both your past relationship and your current one and I hope everything works out for you.

Geez!!! You're wife is nuts!!! That was before you met your wife, so, whatever happened before doesn't affect your relationship now! Besides, you wouldn't be the person you are now, the person she loved and married, if not for your past experiences. She wouldn't be with you now if the past didn't happen... You're wife has insecurities that needed to be overcome. The acceptance has to come from her in order for it to work... what you have to do is to show your support and love... Sometimes, you want to give up but it would be best to work things out. That is, if love is still existing between the two of you... but then again love is not the only thing that should be nortured, trust is a key as well... so if you're wife doesn't trust your past then what made you so sure that she trust you now

I'm not married so I couldn't give a proper advice... I would like for your relationship to have a happy ending... Happy ending meaning you and her in a happy marriage but then again happy ending could also means going on separate ways because just being together does not work and will makes each other unhappy... You have to grow individually even if marriage is a team but the growth should be for the betterment of the relationship not just for the person...

Oh wow I am so sorry to hear that. Your wife must be really insecure about herself. Anyways, that other lady she should have never told your wife it was not any of her business. Whatever happens in the past should stay in the past. I believe with time and patience you guys can work this out. Sorry, I am not in a relationship but I wish you the best of luck and hope many good blessing will come out of this.

well, i dont think you should give in. try to talk sometimes lack of communication break the relationship. tell her about how do you really feel when she talks about your past and what she is for you. things will do fine.

hmm..

i dont know what to say

Thanks for the replies. As of now, I am currently giving her some space. we cancelled the building of our house that we almost bought. She packs up more and more of her stuff each day. And today she stopped wearing the jewelry I got her that she always wore and instead has some necklace I have never seen before.
When we first got married, I had a small box of pictures of my ex and I up in the closet. she found it and wanted me to throw them away. I sent them to my best friend who also knew my ex and really liked her. My friend told me to give her anything I wanted to get rid of. For months my wife threw fits about me sending the stuff to my friend instead of throwing it away. Turns out I came across a very elegant ring and when questioning my wife about it she said it was an engaugement ring from her ex that she always loved and wanted to marry. I told her to send it to him or throw it away just get rid of it since i got rid of my stuff. She said ok and months later I found it somewhere where she was trying to hide it. this happened 3 times and each time she hid it again instead of getting rid of it. I didn't hassle her about it, but it made me upset.
Recently I found out that my wife has been going into my email when i'm at church and writing to people in my address book and saying horrible things to them. Also I just found out that she has been going on my yahoo messenger and acting like she is me and trying to hit on everyone of my buddies that has a female name to see if they like me or are just a friend. So after this I had a feeling she was being secrative and tried to login to her email and she changed the password. So I'm pretty sure she's doing what she used to do and is writing to her ex-boyfriend. I don't think I have any love left for this woman. I will miss the times we had, and I absolutely hate starting over and do not want to divorce or be known as a divorced person, but I don't think I can find it in myself to ask her to stay.

I know some of you said to talk to her and tell her how i feel and how i feel about my ex. I learned my lesson from this the first time.
I told her one time that I don't think about my ex until she brings it up and starts talking about her. i also told her how i feel when she says mean stuff. I felt great that i told her how i felt. Well a few days later she was at it again, saying mean things and to add to it she was now throwing everything i told her back in my face and saying that's the reason why she thinks i love my ex more than her. She also would tell me on numerous occasions that i did more for my ex than i do for her. She doesn't know what i did for my ex but still wants to compare herself. I hate it. I tell her all the time that i can't wait to have a kid with her and have our own house and be away from everywhere we have been in the past. But it does no good. a week or 2 later she does it again. After we make up she tells me that she has a problem and can't control herself. and i need to just hug her when she acts like that. So I did that and she just pushes me away and then asks me if I'm gay and want to be with a man. The verbal abuse just get's worse everytime she has these attitudes. I try to do things for her all the time, nice car, a house, a nice wedding. which I was mad about. Her mom told her that I was dirt and no good because we got married and didn't have a big wedding with family. We explained to her mom that we could have both lost our jobs if we waited. But I gave in and saved up for a big wedding and even had money to fly her family our here to be at the wedding. After all the complaining none of her family came. only mine.

To make things worse, I got a settlement from the accident, and wanted to save the money to go to school. Well I ended up paying all my wifes debt and some of mine and now barely have anything left to live on and I'm trying to find a job and a roomate so I can survive. Sorry for the ranting, I just feel like I invested a lot in this woman and helped her out and did so much for her and she doesn't appreciate it. and she tells me I did more for my ex. Man I just need to find a place to stay and a job and someday a good woman that will accept me for who I am.

Times like this make me understand why people give up in life.

Hey don't give up on life! That's the worst gift you can give yourself... as for your wife, send her to a shrink. She needs professional help. When she said that she has a problem and can't control herself and that she only needs a hug but pushed you away when you do so, that's a sign that her emotional capabilities are at a limbo and and I will repeat, she needs help. A professional one! ASAP... I just watched this E! episode about love gone bad and there's this segment about Lisa Nowak. Your wife's emailing reminded me of what she did... that was one nasty example but well it could lead to that if not given proper help...

You better do something before it's too late... get out while you can... while you can still remember the happy memories... before physical abuse is done... I know verbal abuse is no different so I suggest you better send her to a shrink and move on with your own life without her...

Funny you mention a shrink, We did that. She agreed to go, so I set everything up according to who she would be comfertable with, and we ended up getting kicked out and told not to come back because my wife cut her down so much and made the whole thing into a joke. First time a shrink has ever done that to my knowledge. Well i'm getting a car today of my own, so I kinda happy about that. Just need to find a job. Anyone know of any jobs in Sacramento CA?

Ah not even 24 hours and I feel late to give advice already!

Anyways, you've already received plenty of good advice from the others and I'll do my best to add something to the table.

This woman of yours needs help. To be honest, I would run away from a woman like that. However, do you love her? I know divorce is a bad thing to do, but living with a woman who pretends to be you online and Instant Messaging your friends is not very cool... not very normal.

Since you've invested so much in her, I know you feel like it's just too much to give up. However, think of it like a slot machine. You can never leave the machine because you've put 1, 5, 10 dollars in it... and eventually and hopefully, you'll get something out of it. But it sometimes never pays out in the end, and the longer you stay with that machine, the more money you would have to give up.

I'm not saying that your relationship is going down like a plane though. There's still that chance you'll hit the jackpot, but it's very discouraging right now and it might be best if you just walk out with whatever you have left.

Also it seems like you married her too soon. I guess the main question here is Do you really love her?

if so, then stay. Maybe you'll hit the Jackpot.

if not really, then hold on to what you got and leave.

oh and I don't know any good jobs in Sacramento sorry I'm in the Southern part of CA