Don’t be that friend who gives crap dating advice. Read below to know what NOT to do.
Dating advice comes in many forms, but the worst tips are always ones people tend to give. They’re bad because they are vague and have no substance to the advice. It’s like saying: “If you eat better, you’ll lose weight.” Thanks for the advice Captain Obvious.
Better advice tells me what to eat, tells me other methods to losing weight, tells me how to manage my calorie intake, tells me something that I can use. These are some things that I can apply and something of VALUE.
1) Crap Advice: Just be yourself
Imagine I’m your friend and I’ve been crushing hard on that girl from accounting class. You have an awesome girlfriend and I want the same thing. What should you tell me?
Most friends would say, “just be yourself,” but who else would I be besides myself? Yes, I can act like someone else, but it’ll still be me, just with a different costume on. You are yourself 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. I’ve been myself since I popped out of my mama’s womb.
A friend who says to “be yourself” has good intentions, but he falls short because there’s no follow up. They don’t know how to help or don’t want to put in the effort to help.
The problem with this tid bit is it’s too general. It’s three words that is suppose to be a cure all solution to becoming a master dater. What exactly is “yourself?”
I am the culmination of all my experiences and thoughts from the moment I realized I was alive. My dreams, expectations, assumptions, feelings, judgments, and opinions are all parts of myself. So the problem with “just be yourself” is which part of myself should I be when I’m on a date?
Should I be the anime nerd? Should I be the car enthusiast? Or how about be the professional ballroom dancer? Which part of myself should be present when I first say, “Hi”?
That’s the better piece of advice a friend should be giving me. Even being told which side to keep in check is better than those three words “just be yourself.”
Since you’re the bestest friend ever (and you’ve read all of Cindy Young’s articles about dating) the advice you would give is something like:
- If you’re a foodie, be sure to let her know by telling your great food adventures.
- When you get to the restaurant, show her that gentlemanly side of you by opening the car door or sitting next to her instead of across the dining table.
- If you have a lot of road rage, then that part of you should be kept in check.
The difference between giving empty advice and great advice is being able to identify a friend’s positive traits and which traits need to be managed.