Interview with the Asian Rake

Written by Asian Rake | July 8, 2009 | Comments
We interview one of the top Asian dating gurus, Dr. Asian Rake. In the interview he gives tips for guys looking to improve their dating lives and a play by play interaction of one of his seductions. AmpedAsia.com: Can you briefly tell us a little bit about yourself. What do you do, how old are you, where are you from?

Asian Rake: My name's David Tian. I'm known in the attraction community as "The Asian Rake." I'm 32 years old now. I was born in Taiwan, raised in the US and Canada and now reside in Singapore. About my "career," I wear several different hats. I have a Ph.D. from a major US university. Editor's Note: Check out Dr. Asian Rake's Video Interview Below


AmpedAsia.com: So tell us about how you were like before you became a dating coach.

Asian Rake: I wasn't the best with women, to put it mildly. I didn't have any choice in whom I dated. The women picked me. I had no power whatsoever in picking the girls I liked, really. For my full bio, check out my page at my website.

What was the process between the transition from before to now?

Asian Rake: I have put in literally thousands of hours over the years meeting attractive women and befriending cool guys in bars and clubs, bookstores and cafes, on the street and in shopping malls, and in all kinds of random places from as far as Toronto and New York all the way to Shanghai and Singapore.

AmpedAsia.com: At what point did you tell yourself, wow, I'm pretty good at this.

Asian Rake: To be honest, it was when other people, notably my mentors--guys who were charging upwards of $2000 a weekend for group workshops--started telling me I was really effective. They were saying I was getting crazy results. I didn't really think much of it at the time. I'm pretty hard on myself and set high standards. This was around the autumn of 2007.

The development was relatively gradual and spread out over a few years, so I didn't notice it when it was happening. It's only when I look back and reflect, and then I think, "Yeah, my life sure has changed." I've had to make some major sacrifices and take a lot of big hits, mainly regarding my ego. But I can honestly and easily say that I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life.

Any goal worth setting is outside your comfort zone. Otherwise, you'd have it already.

AmpedAsia.com: Do you think that anyone could make the same change?

Asian Rake: Yes, but only if they have the right attitude. You have to be ready to set aside your ego and go outside your comfort zone.

AmpedAsia.com: What tip would you give someone who's super shy about meeting women.

Asian Rake: First, train yourself to be more social generally. Don't worry about beautiful women yet. Habituate yourself to just being fun and social in lots of different settings.

Then, figure out where the kind of women you like hang out. Most guys like night clubs and bars, but a lot of guys also prefer quieter environments, like bookstores and cafes.

Then, acclimate yourself to those environments. Get really comfortable in those specific venues. It should feel like home to you. Get to know the staff and

the other regulars. Be social and friendly. Find your favorite spots.

Eventually, you should feel at home in that context. Then, when you see a girl you'd like to get to know, you will be a lot more comfortable approaching her in that environment.

Another way to solve the problem of approach anxiety and shyness is to get lots of experience with cold approaches. It will be hard at first, but everything

worthwhile is hard at first. Your evolutionary instincts of fight-or-flight will kick in, but after a hundred or a thousand cold approaches, you'll learn how to handle your nerves.

AmpedAsia.com: Do you think there any differences for Asian men as opposed to other men in the seduction process?

Asian Rake: Yes, there are a lot, but there are differences even among Asian men. Asians raised and living in America face a different set of challenges from newly immigrated Asians. This topic is so big that I'm devoting a large chunk of my writing to it. Check back on my site for updates.

AmpedAsia.com: So is it true you've dated some actresses and models?

Asian Rake: Yes, of course. Actually, once I started dating a couple actresses and models, I realized that it's not that big of a deal.

AmpedAsia.com: Anyone really famous?

Asian Rake: I'm not a big fan of vague words like "fame" or "celebrity." Those words don't mean much to me. I don't pay much attention to that.

Also, you should know that I don't "kiss and tell." It's disrespectful to my women, and it's more ego validation that I don't need.

AmpedAsia.com: So let's say you go to a club, you see a hottie, now explain the process of what you do.

Do you want the short answer or the long answer? The short answer is that I start a conversation with a woman, make her have fun and build a connection with her, and then if there is mutual interest, we proceed from there. For the long answer, read below.

Here are some sample of the opening interactions. The formatting is kinda weird with some of them. #1 One of my good guy friends and I were chilling in a bar in Beijing one night. After talking for about an hour or so, we were ready to head on to the next venue. But we scoped out the bar first before we left, and the only one really attractive girl was a Maggie Cheung-lookalike with another cute girlfriend. I hadn't opened a single group yet, so I was thinking I'd need a warm up interaction first. But my buddy has no approach anxiety whatsoever and right away walked all the way from the bar to where the two girls were standing. I couldn't hear his opener, but I think it was along the lines of, "Do you speak English?" (in Chinese) By the time I got there, the girls were giving him the cold shoulder. Can't remember exactly what happened next, except that I called the bitch on her bitchiness. (In Chinese) Me: You should be nicer to him. He walked all the way from the bar to come talk to you guys because he thought you guys were the cutest girls in the bar. That took a lot of courage. You should be more polite. Her: Well, we're still standing here, aren't we? Me (recognizing that she's playing along, so saying with a sly smile): Whoa, how can you be so arrogant? My buddy (shaking his head): Forget it. They're too rude. Let's go. Me: My friend wants to go now. You've been too rude. Her: Well, would it help if you knew that it was our first day in Beijing? This was the Hook Point, as far as I'm concerned. Me: First day? Are you tourists? Her: No, we're flight attendants. We're on a layover. Me: So where did you come from? Her: Singapore. Me: So you speak English? Her: Of course. Wait, where are you from? (The rest was mainly in English) Me: You don't sound Singaporean. I have a lot of Singaporean friends, and they all have funky Singaporean accents. You don't have a Singaporean accent in Chinese or in English. Her: Well, I grew up partly in Hong Kong. Smooth sailing from there. #2 I first met this girl at a big club on a Friday night. I was with a big group of guys, maybe altogether about 6 guys. It was near the end of the night, and my buddy and I approached a group of four girls standing near the dance floor. I opened with something natural like, "You guys having a good time tonight?" The Body Language (BL) and Tonality carry the interaction, as it accounts for over 90% of attraction and like-ability, something that almost every guy on the online forums forgets (these are often the guys who ask me for more info on the lines I used; note: the lines don't really matter). We fluff talked for a few minutes. It turns out I knew one of the girls from a brief cold approach I did earlier in the night. One of the girls, the tallest (at least an inch taller than me) and most elegant, kind of wanders off a little on her own towards the dance floor. The other three are cute, but I'm after the hottest one. I see my buddy from the corner of my eye coming in. I bounce off this group towards the solo hottie, and my buddy takes over the group of three. I noticed another girl broke off from the group to check her phone, making it a group of two. I walked up to Ms. Agent (she's a young agent for the biggest talent agency in the country and handles some of the big-time actors and actresses in China). I opened with a genuine interest compliment, "Hey, I love your long black gown. It's so elegant. And kind of out of place here. But you stand out in a good way." I nodded my approval and smiled a bit. She gave me the cold shoulder. "Thanks." But no smile. Me: "Okay, it's your turn now." Vacuum. Her: "What?" Me: "I gave you a compliment. Now it's your turn. Be polite now." Her (with a small smile): "Mmm. I can't think of one." Me (looking really offended): "What?! I'm so hurt." Ms. Agent laughs. Me: "C'mon now. What about my eyes? (while looking deeply into her eyes) They're almost as big as yours (she had really big, round eyes)." Her (smiling): "Yeah, you have big eyes." Me (moving in closer and opening my eyes really really wide): "Do they scare you?" Ms. Agent laughs and moves back a step. I had been facing her head-on and now I moved to her side so that we were basically side-to-side and looking at the bar area. Her friends came in and said, "Your friend just said something really rude to us!" Well, this was good social proof since her friends already liked me enough to come to me for support J So I put my arms around the two girlfriends to reward them and called out to my buddy, who was facing us and standing off a little. "Dude, what did you say to them?" My buddy: "I told her she should go fuck herself." Me: "Uh, why did you say that?" My buddy: "Ask that girl," pointing to Ms. Agent's Ms. Agent's friend: "He was butting in on our conversation, so I told him to go away." My buddy: "She said, ‘Go away. We don't want to talk to you.'" Me, realizing this was all good push-pull play: "Now, be good girls and boys and make up now." Ms. Agent's friend: "No way. He was rude." Me: "Dude, be a man and apologize first." My buddy: "Grrr. Sorry!" Me, while pushing them towards my friend: "Good. Now go off and play like good girls." And off they went. I'm not sure what happened with them next as I turned my back and stepped back to talk to Ms. Agent. I definitely think this was good social proof and dominance. I have to thanks my pal for sacrificing himself like that. Ms. Agent started asking me the buying questions, where I was from, what I'm doing in Beijing, etc. I gave her my usual answers, building intrigue by making her work for my answers and then giving her vague and succinct, but true and interesting answers. She started trying to impress me, dropping lots of names of celebrities. It's a good thing I don't keep up that much with the pop culture here as a lot of the names meant nothing to me, though I did recognize a few of them. Her English was really good, and I said, "So how come your English is so good? Do you have a white boyfriend?" She said she's just really good at English. So I qualified her on it. I then looked for more to qualify on, including being artistic. But I realized that she thinks very highly of her own social value, so I transitioned into my Challenge Screening (see my Best of the Blog for more info on this). I found out that she's a major agent for actors. She qualified herself on clawing her way up the ranks in two years without having to sleep her way up, which apparently everyone just assumes is the case because she's young and hot. This was about the 15 minute mark, and I had to get going. My boys were bouncing to another venue. So I said, "Hey, you're fun to talk to. Do you have your cell phone? Yes? Cool, type in your number." Done deal. #3 I was at a huge nightclub with three of my good guy friends. I spotted a cutie with a toned body and beautiful, doe-like eyes dancing with a group of her friends. I mentioned to my natural friend that I liked that girl on the dancefloor and asked him how I should approach. He said, "Dude, like this. Follow me." Then he walked up to her and put his hand on her shoulder as she was dancing and said into her ear, "My friend is really interested in meeting you." And then he pointed to me right behind him. Haha. Okay, I get the point, dude. That was easy. I smiled and shook her hand and then kept on holding it. I said, "I saw you dancing here, and I told my friend I think you are the cutest girl on the dancefloor." Her: "Oh, thanks." Me: "Do you speak English?" Her: "Yeah. Where are you from?" (I heard an accent, so I switched to Chinese). Me: "Guess." From here, it was standard rapport. Sorry, dudes, I really don't remember much any more of the dialogues. I only recall how I felt and what I was thinking overall. I remember feeling very comfortable talking with her, and after shaking hands, we held onto each other's hands as we talked for the first few minutes. I made intense eye contact and put my arm around her while we talked into each other's ears (this was on the loud dancefloor). I also noticed that her friends just kept dancing next to us and totally ignored us. That was the opening part of the interaction. Three examples ought to suffice.

AmpedAsia.com: I understand that you travel frequently to other countries, are you able to seduce someone without even speaking their language (say in Japan or Korea)?

Asian Rake: There's no question that speaking a common language can benefit you tremendously. I always tell anyone living in Asia who is interested in attracting high status Asian women that they must master the local language.

That being said, major studies have shown that attraction is attributable about 65% to body language, 35% to vocal tonality, and only about 10% to verbal content. If you can establish basic communication, then your body language and tonality, and especially the mindset behind them, can make a huge difference.

AmpedAsia.com: So if someone wanted to help their dating life right now, what are some first steps they should take?

Asian Rake: Honestly, go to my website and check out the classic articles in the Best of the Blog section, especially the Required Reading page. Then, put your ego aside, get out there, and start interacting with people.

AmpedAsia.com: Do you think you'll want to settle down with one girl sometime soon or ever?

Asian Rake: I was married for several years before. Since then, I have had a couple committed, long-term relationships. And I am currently in a committed relationship that has lasted quite a while (keeping my fingers crossed).

AmpedAsia.com: Where do you see yourself in ten years?

Asian Rake: My answer to these sorts of big questions change all the time. As I reach my goals, I end up seeing the world in a different way, and my perspective gets enlarged. My goals are constantly becoming bigger and bigger.

At the moment, one thing I would really like to do is to make a difference helping Asian men in Asia and Asian immigrant men in Western countries become as a group more dominant, assertive, sexy, adventurous, and cool. I'd like to help fix the "image" problem of Asian men in Western pop culture and media.

AmpedAsia.com: Thanks a lot David!

Asian Rake: It has been my pleasure and honor. All the best to your staff and Amped Asia readers!

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