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Having Fun Equals Effective Socializing
Written by Asian Rake on November 14, 2008
A big turning point for me was learning how to sit at a bar by myself, not talking to a single "set," simply soaking in the ambience, savoring my martini, and chilling out. Sure, I talked to people. I talked to the bartender. I talked to the nice couple next to me. I talked to the older women on the other side who were enjoying a night out of wine tasting. But I never considered any of these interactions to be "sets."
Then, I learned to have fun on my own in a loud dance club. I learned that I can stand at the bar with a drink, soaking in the ambience with a smile on my face, staring into space, letting myself fall into trance with the beats... all by myself. Sure, I talked to people, very briefly of course, as it was a loud club. I talked to the bartender. I clinked glasses with the group next to me. When the alpha male there saw I was alone, he invited me into their group and poured me a drink. Then a group of three girls started eyeing me, I walked over and clinked glasses with them. Then, one of them started asking me the buying questions (where are you from, etc.). There were nights when I sat at the bar of a big club all by myself, just chilling, and three separate women directly and aggressively propositioned me. It was all the vibe, conveying passive value and good body language and positioning.
Not too long ago, I sat at the bar of a huge dance club all by myself. I was just sitting there, enjoying the ambience and staring into space. It was 4AM. A guy sat next to me, chatting to a girl on the other side of him. She was wearing a tight dress that showed off her long legs. She had silky long black hair that framed a perfect doll-like face. She looked over at me. We locked eyes. She was talking to the guy while looking at me. The guy had his back to me and kept talking to her. I walked over to her other side and planted myself at the bar. I said, "Hey," and smiled. Turns out the guy was her boyfriend, but they'd only been going out for a month. He looked scared and came over. I kinda felt sorry for him. This girl was way out of his league. She asked for my number. And then they left. On my way home after 5 in the morning, the sun was rising. And she phoned me...
You see, all this started because I was having fun all by myself. My energy was all coming from within. I didn't need anybody to make me happy. I was perfectly happy just chilling out with my drink. I wasn't seeking anything. I was just ... being. This is what it means to have a vibe that offers value. You are the party.
My fun these days when I go out is independent of any girl's reaction.
It's dependent on me and me alone. I remind myself, "If I don't meet a single hot girl tonight, I'm still going to have fun because my purpose tonight is not to meet girls; it is to have fun!"
Go out there and have fun tonight!
Peace and love, Dr. Asian Rake.
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