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Asian Men: Building Confidence
Written by Steven Lin on December 19, 2007
Building Inner Confidence
Inner confidence is not something you project, but it is something you feel inside. When you have inner confidence you feel brave enough to take risks; you
aren't afraid of the future. A synonym for this type of confidence could be self-esteem. This inner confidence is one of the main ingredients to help you in
the dating game because after you grab her interest you need to start building on the relationship. This inner confidence is also the thing that prevents you
from freaking out just because another guy is hitting on your woman.
This inner confidence is sort of like cockiness in away. You feel invincible, like the whole world is your playground. The keyword here is "feel," because
obviously, if you display this type of confidence it can and will lead others to believe you to be arrogant and conceited. Inside, you can be as arrogant as
you want to, but remember to stay humble on the outside and let your outer confidence take its course.
But what use is inner confidence? Isn't outer confidence all you really need? Well it's true that outer confidence is necessary, however inner confidence is
just as necessary. You've heard all about the pretty models that have problems with anorexia and body image. This is because their inner confidence is
shattered. Sure they look gorgeous on the outside and seem to be able to keep any man whipped, but without inner confidence a person isn't truly "confident."
These same girls lose their relationships because they have a rocky inner foundation. The same rule applies for men. Sure you've got her initially interested
with your outer confidence, but only through inner confidence can you make sure she stays interested.
Inner confidence also gives you an advantage in the relationship. If one side of the relationship feels that they have the upper hand, then the relationship
becomes tipped in that person's favor. Being confident prevents the power in the relationship from tipping over to the other side. Once it's tipped to the
other side, it becomes much easier for your girl to start losing interest in you. You're no longer the exciting man she fell in love with, and you start
seeming like a brotherly/friendly figure to her. The couple then breaks up and then you've just shattered your inner confidence even more.
Inner confidence is built by all the things you would expect. Getting compliments from someone, especially someone of the opposite sex is a great inner
confidence booster. Doing activities that break your fears is another confidence booster. Go do something that seems horrifying. Bungee-jumping for instance.
Or maybe getting two girls' phone numbers in one night (ok immoral, but satisfying just the same). Getting applause from a crowd can also boost your
confidence immensely. Perhaps you could pick up a hobby that requires performing on a stage such as doing magic tricks or playing an instrument.
Talking also builds inner confidence. The more you talk the more you are comfortable with expressing yourself to others. Try talking to everyone you meet.
Ask a lot of questions. Once you're comfortable talking and initiating speech, it becomes easy for you to keep a girl interested and to avoid awkward long
silences.
What to Avoid
There are also a few things that you should absolutely avoid, especially in the courting process.
1) Lying or being false – Don't say that you liked something when you absolutely hated it. Don't pretend just for the sake of seeming cool or
better. This is because when you feel an inner conflict you oftentimes will display a loss of confidence. You might get nervous that she finds out that you'
re lying. You might start mumbling to get words out. Girls do have a sixth sense and they CAN tell when you're totally lying and they will punish you for it.
Tell yourself in advance that you won't lie to her.
2) Being cocky – Although I've already mentioned this, there's a difference between exuding confidence and exuding cockiness. Just because you know
how to brag about yourself doesn't mean you are going to succeed in a relationship. Make sure you recognize when you're being too confident to the point of
cockiness.
3) Pick up lines – They sound good on paper, but they aren't effective in real life. There are some rare times that a pick up line might actually
work. These times are far and few between. Usually only a genuinely funny comedian can make these work, so unless you pride yourself in being a real
comedian, then DON'T USE PICK-UP LINES.
4) Being too persistent - (Reference image above) If they say no, don't keep bugging them. You'll come across as desperate which will even lessen
your chances. Instead, try perhaps altering your image a little bit, or toning up your body a bit. Wait a little bit and have a new approach BEFORE you try
again.
Setting Yourself Goals
Now that you know the two types of confidences and how to build them, you need to start accomplishing your goals. One way to track your progress is by
keeping a journal of your endeavors. Jot down anything you accomplished in that day. For example, one entry could be "finally got the nerve to talk to that
girl who lives on my dorm floor" or it could be "gave my presentation to the whole class and felt great." After a while, you'll realize that you are
confident in almost every aspect of your life, and you can start writing articles like this for Amped Asia :)
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