Steven Lin is an Asian dating consultant based in New York City. He is the author of the dating book, Advanced Asian.
This is part 2 of my Asian men, Asian Women, White men, debates. Part 1 examined whether Asian women really prefer White men. We determined that Asian females do not date White males because of their ethnicity, but because the White population in the States has more of the desirable evolutionary traits simply because there are more White people.
But there’s another argument that many people bring up in favor of Asian men being less desirable. If the more desirable traits are in the White population (since there are more White people), why aren’t more Asian men dating White women. Doesn’t that mean they possess less of the desirable traits, therefore they aren’t getting the higher caliber women (in this case, the White women)?
There is another aspect to this argument. And that aspect is the fact that men, in general, are the ones who are the dating aggressors. They are the predators looking for the best prey. And like the animal kingdom, it’s always the stronger predator who gets their prey. In the United States, there are simply more White men that are the top “predators.” Again, it’s not about ethnicity. It’s about traits. Hypothetically, if the American population was 50% white and 50% Asian, I think you’d find that Asian men would definitely be dating more White women.
That’s just the science/evolutionary aspect of this debate. There is also a large cultural aspect. Asian men have been mentally ingrained to only date Asian women. From their parents, from their peers, from the media. Asian men have been trained to want and desire Asian women. In fact, Asian women in general are seen as very desirable for men of all races. And as we mentioned before, men are the aggressors. They find the suitors. Therefore their potential targets are mostly Asian women. If Asian women are quite desirable for all races, and Asian men are hardwired to want Asian women, then the rate of Asian men being with White women decreases quite drastically.
Again think about this over once more. It should make sense why Asian women have a higher percentage of dating White women than Asian men. Asian women aren’t choosing their mates. The men are choosing them.
Asian men, on the other hand, ARE the ones choosing their mates. Most of the time, they choose Asian women because they’ve been culturally trained to want and desire Asian women.
There are a host of other reasons why the Asian male, White Female couple is rare. And I’ll mention them briefly.
Asian men have immigrated to the States from places like China, Korea, and Japan. Countries that have been historically very conservative. The US dating culture is just SO vastly different that it becomes hard for Asian men to compete for White females. Therefore, many either don’t get a woman at all, or settle for a less than desirable one. Females in the states like aggressive, pursuing men, whereas females overseas generally prefer the opposite. Quiet, humble, polite, hard-working are the typical desired traits in Asia. Asian men need to learn a whole new set of dating skills and behaviors once they move to the States. This is not easy for them, and up until now it’s been a struggle for most Asian men to acclimate. Nowadays as generations are getting more Americanized, we can expect to see more Asian men dating White women (note that 36% of Asian men who are BORN in the United States and are married, are married to White women).
Another aspect of this dating question is that physically, women in Asia prefer different things to women in the States. In Asia, many women prefer slim, even feminine men. American women prefer burly, strong, muscular men. Stateside, women like tanner men, while overseas it’s the exact opposite. Asian men generally don’t have these traits because in their genetic history, they’ve never really needed them. People in China don’t spend hours working out, they spend it studying instead. But again, now that Asians are becoming more Americanized, there will be more Asian men taking the time to work out and get bodies that are more appealing in American culture.
Asian men also usually have less dating experience. Dating is usually last on the list for young people in Asia. In America, oftentimes dating comes first. Asian Americans get the same problem when parents pressure them to study rather than date. This hits the men the hardest because men are the ones who have to have the “skill” when it comes to dating. They have to have game. Yet they didn’t learn it when they were in High School and now they are steps behind their Caucasian counterparts. This aspect rarely affects women because as we’ve mentioned before, women are the ones who are pursued, not doing the pursuing. Even without any experience in dating, they will still get pursued by men.
Aside from dating experience, sexual experience is yet another factor. Most women in the States won’t be happy with a lackluster lover. This is such a big contrast from Asia, where many women might only have 1 or 2 lovers, and any sex feels okay for them (or they just settle for a guy with a good job and family). When a woman has been with very experienced lovers, she expects the same from future lovers. Asian men typically have less sexual experience because sex is a very taboo subject in Asia.
Career choice is another big factor. When Asian men find jobs they usually find them in fields like math and engineering. Most of these careers are male-dominated. These careers don’t give them a chance to meet desirable women. They aren’t finding jobs in fields like entertainment, communication, the arts, etc. Fields that have tons of beautiful women.
So are Asian American men less desirable? No that’s definitely not the case. I can guarantee that a charming, handsome, and Asian man will be able to attract the same caliber of woman as a charming, handsome, and White man. Many women nowadays even say that they prefer Asian men because in general they are more polite and family-oriented than many other cultures.
However, do a lot of Asian men need to learn a few more things in the dating world? Absolutely. Asian men haven’t had enough time to acclimate to dating in the States yet. As time goes on, we can expect to see a higher number of Asian Male White Female couples. The number is rising already.
Getting better at dating and learning game is very crucial for any Asian man who wants to attract high caliber women. Definitely check out my book, Advanced Asian, for more help on bringing your game to the next level as Asian men.
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