More people have asked me about the friendzone than any other subject. That’s why I wrote this follow-up piece about the friend zone to help you guys learn how to get out of it. Check out my first piece here.
The friendzone sucks. I’ve been there, you’ve been there. Everyone’s been there.
So why does it happen? Well, there’s five good reasons a girl will put us in the friendzone.
REASON #1: The timing or situation is bad
As much as we love to think that we can control the outcome of every situation, sometimes things are just out of our power.
Girls go through different stages in their lives. There’s times when dating is a high priority, but there’s other times when dating is low priority. This is true in today’s world, where girls typically go through a stage when they want to work on themselves. Sometimes they focus on school or career. Other times, it’s a focus on networking and having platonic relationships.
There’s another stage that girls enter when they break up with their boyfriends. Many of these girls will take a mental break from guys to let any emotional scars heal. Even though these girls might look for male attention, they might not be ready to jump into another intimate relationship. Even if she likes you, she’ll try to put you in her friendzone so that she won’t get hurt.
There are other situations that aren’t optimal either. For example, say she’s your co-worker. Even if she likes you, she’ll think twice about risking her career before getting romantically involved with you. Add that to the fact that girls are generally more risk-averse when it comes to sex and relationships, and you might have zero chance romantically. But hey, she’ll still be your friend.
Sometimes, the situation is what can hinder intimacy. Things aren’t always in your control, and that’s okay.
REASON #2: You’re always available
But don’t worry, there’s always things that you can control.
Not to say that being available is bad (it’s not), but always being available is. You don’t have to have your phone in the palm of your hand, itching to answer her calls or texts. You shouldn’t have to rearrange your own social life to her whims. You should be busy living your own life anyway.
For some reason, most women equate unavailability to mystery, which creates attraction. But the thing is, if you’re deliberately creating the appearance that you’re unavailable, that’s not the right approach either. The truth is, you’re still putting the girl on a pedestal, changing your behavior solely to attract her.
That means, again, you should be busy living your own life. You want to live the type of fulfilling and satisfying life where unavailability is organic.
Availability is also unattractive because it ceases to makes you a “challenge” in the eyes of the girl. Like all other humans, girls desire something more when it’s takes more effort to obtain.
REASON #3: You’re a “nice guy”
“Nice guy” is one of the most ambiguous phrases out there today. Being compassionate is a strongly desired trait. Being well-mannered and respectful – that’s all attractive. And yet, why do nice guys still finish last?
Well, when people talk about nice guys finishing last, they mean to describe the guys who avoid saying things to that might upset other people’s feelings. The guys who don’t feel comfortable if someone disagrees with them – the guys that rather seek approval in any way necessary. They’re the ones who will bend over backwards for a girl they’re not even with. They’ll listen to the girl vent for hours and hours about her guy problems. They’ll rearrange their entire social life to spend time with the girl.
The key is that unfortunately, nice guys never express what THEY want. And as a result, they never get what they want. The truth is, they’d rather be in a state of limbo than to decisively stick their neck out and face the possibility of rejection.
Do you think girls are attracted to this type of guy? Hell no!
REASON #4: You never made a move
This sorta goes hand-in-hand with the pervious point. It’s also the most common, yet the most fixable issue for guys. The problem is that attraction has an expiration date, and girls aren’t going to wait forever for you to make a move. In fact, if you feel like you’ve waited too long, then you probably have.
If you haven’t made a move, don’t expect the girl to decipher what’s going on in your mind. She’ll assume that you’re not interested in her, in which case, she’ll just write you off. But even if her intuition is strong and she feels that you’re secretly in love with her, she’ll just think you were too scared to ask her out, which makes you look like a wimp.
Most guys who are constantly put in the friendzone “play it safe,” and befriend a girl for an extended period of time, waiting for the right moment to make a move. But the problem with that is that by playing it safe, they’re actually doing the riskiest thing imaginable.
They’re sinking into the friendzone day by day, and it will get increasingly harder to make their intentions clear to the girl.
REASON #5: She’s just not that into you
Sometimes, she’s just not that into you. It’s quite okay man, because for every girl that rejects you, there’s probably another girl around the corner who can appreciate what you bring to the table.
You can’t be mad at rejection – you must realize that you two weren’t compatible in the first place. You can’t force someone to like you, and that’s just how life is.
Plenty of fish in the sea, as the popular phrase goes.
Written by Will Legend