If there’s one universal thing my guy friends tell me that is a huge stumbling block in the way of them meeting more women, it’s that they don’t actually know how to hold a conversation with a woman.
They either stumble awkwardly into the conversation, it fizzles and dies on them, or they don’t know what to say in that uniquely promising moment when girls say they had a great time talking to you but they have to leave, pausing to give you the opportunity to ask for their number… which you can never muster up the cojones to do.
It really makes a guy feel defeated, I know. How are you supposed to date beautiful women when you can’t even TALK to beautiful women? What’s a guy supposed to do when the girl he approaches is SO HOT, she made him forget that really cool pickup line he read last night?
Fortunately, conversation skills are not rocket science, and they only take a small amount of practice to master. With these four easy tips and a little bit of daily practice, you’ll be well on your way to having amazing, incredible conversations with even the most mind-blowingly hot women. They require NO routines, NO canned lines, and NO pre-prepared openers that you’re going to forget when you meet the hottest girl you’ve ever seen.
1) You MUST start with a good opener.
I get it, talking to a pretty girl can be terrifying, but if things like the weather or asking her for the time are your go-to conversation topics, you are going to bore some poor girl to death. The major flaw in talking about the weather and other poor openers is that these are closed-ended questions: she gives you a one-word answer and her participation is sufficient. Congratulations, you just hit a dead end. A good conversation is like a tennis match (you serve the ball to her and she hits it right back), but these closed questions put the ball in her court and leave it there.
Instead, ask an open-ended question that encourages her to actively participate instead of brushing you off. Make her think. Make her laugh. Avoid polarizing topics like politics or abortion, but feel free to ask her for her opinion about something thought provoking, about fashion advice, about a controversial character death on a TV show, or even about a hilarious current event you just heard.
2) Do NOT use canned lines.
There’s a reason I didn’t give you a specific example in #1: if I do, you’re going to use it, and so is every other man who reads this. It sounds like a good idea to seek out the advice of professionals for conversation starters, and for the most part they have good advice, but the problem is that it’s really easy to use their examples as a crutch and never develop an original idea. Maybe you read The Game. Maybe you thought Neil Strauss had the most genius idea for a conversation starter. But did you keep reading until you got to the part where he said he lost the ability to use his own lines because every girl had heard them before?
If you try to use material you found online or heard at some class, no matter how original and amazing it seems, I guarantee you are going to run into girls who have heard it before and will shut you down for being unoriginal. Resist the temptation. Instead, talk to her about something you ACTUALLY witnessed or that ACTUALLY happened to you, and get her opinion.
3) Keep playing tennis.
Remember how I said that a good conversation is like a game of tennis? What happens when she hits the ball back to you and you drop it? Congratulations, another dead end. The key to keeping a conversation going is to be a good listener so you can serve the ball right back to her again. She responded because she found something interesting in what you said and she chose to comment on that. That’s what you need to do right back.
It’s like going on Wikipedia. You pulled it up because you had a question about The Walking Dead. Then you saw a link to Andrew Lincoln’s page, so you read about him. Halfway down, you see that he’s from the UK. Now you are reading an article about the history of England, and you see a link to the British East India Company. You go there, and you see a link about privateers. Two hours later and you’re now reading the history of 17th century Caribbean piracy. It’s amazing how quick 15 minutes can turn into hours. Say you’re not really interested in her story about how she’s scared of clowns because she ran into a creepy one on her last vacation. So what? You don’t have to keep talking about clowns; she mentioned her vacation, so now you can ask her what’s the craziest thing she’s ever done while traveling.
BOOM, ball is back in her court.
BONUS POINTS: by steering the conversation in the direction of crazy things she’s done, where she vacations, etc etc etc, you’re not only having a great conversation, you’re also getting a good idea of what she likes to do for fun if you want to ask her on a date, OR if she’s too crazy and you need to eject the conversation. Treating your conversation like Wikipedia tennis is how you keep it going; focusing on specific things she says and asking her more about them
1) gets her talking about herself (girls love this) and
2) lets you learn more about her.
4) Eject like a man.
Even the best conversations can’t go on forever. You’ll get bored and want to leave, she has a dentist appointment she needs to get to, you have to take your grandma for dialysis, her dog has an ingrown toenail, something is going to happen to bring the conversation to a close. If you opened well, used an original conversation starter, and played Wikipedia tennis with boss-level skills, that means that she had fun, you were in control of the conversation the entire time, and you know if it’s worth seeing her again. But if you want to keep the conversation going at a later time, or if you want to exit gracefully without making her Hulk on you, then you need to STAY in control.
If you don’t want to talk to this girl again, it’s imperative that you exit the conversation as quickly as possible. If you’re that turned off, she probably is as well, but you don’t want to risk stringing her along and you don’t want to waste your time when you could be having a better conversation with a better girl, so wrap things up. When she tosses the ball back in your court, keep it. Tell her you enjoyed the conversation, but you have to get going, and wish her a good evening.
If you do plan on seeing this girl again, don’t just let her get up and walk away. Tell her that you had an incredible time talking to her, she is absolutely hilarious, and you’d love to continue the conversation over coffee some time. You exited the conversation, you made her smile by complimenting her, you expressed interest in seeing her again, and you (hopefully!) scored a date.
Congratulations, you just had a conversation with a girl like a pro.
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